Breaking the vicious cycle for the foster children of Poland

Wojtek and his five siblings come from four different “dads”, whom Wojtek’s co-dependent mother lived with, but never married. The last “dad” was an alcoholic who finally hung himself in the family’s bathroom. After the confused and distraught mother stopped providing adequate care for the children, the government finally intervened. All six children were sent to live at a Dom Dziecka, an institutionalized foster home.

In Poland, there are about 450 Dom Dzieckas caring for 25,000 foster children just like Wojtek and his siblings. This number continues to rise steadily, even as the birth rate in Poland decreases. The most frequent cause for placing a child in state foster care is family poverty, as well as emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. Alcohol is often a significant contributing factor.

Fast forward a couple of years: Wojtek’s hero is now his 19-year-old brother, a self-centered man more keen on drinking his fill than on keeping a steady job. Wojtek himself thinks little of education and instead is a master opportunist: he will cooperate when money is involved, but his use of it quickly reveals his skewed values. Is it any wonder that children from the state’s foster care system now make up 60% of homeless people in Poland? Destined for a life of numbness and instability, they struggle to overcome their past of abuse and hardship.

ITMI missionary, Jim LaRose, knows first-hand the depressed living environment at Poland’s Dom Dzieckas. The crippled emotional state of many of the children is evidenced by how long it has taken Jim to develop meaningful relationships with the foster children at the Dom Dziecka in his area.

At first, Jim and his two Polish co-workers, Asia and Lukasz Mikolajczyk, helped organize Christian summer camps, to which a number of Dom Dziecka children were regularly invited. The tears he saw in these children’s eyes on the last day of the camp convinced him that a once-a-year contact was far from adequate to make a lasting difference in their lives. This prompted him to arrange monthly follow-ups with these children. Unexpectedly, these regular visits opened his eyes to how hopeless life seems to them, and this challenged him to somehow make a difference – even against seemingly insurmountable odds.

As a rule, a Dom Dziecka day provides children with very little family warmth and security. Though they live and function at the home, their need to belong somewhere remains unfulfilled. There is little variety, and the children are used to finding ways of circumventing the understaffed “supervision”. This often leads to ghastly inappropriate and harmful activities. Meals are rushed and impersonal, and the menu is repeated on a regular basis. Privacy is virtually nonexistent. Siblings are oftentimes split by age groups, rather than kept together by family relationship. Bedrooms typically have from two to eight occupants.

School could be the ticket to a better life, but with no one lovingly reinforcing this fact, very few Dom Dziecka children excel academically. Homework is done together with other children in a large gathering room where TV, games, and other activities distract them from the task of getting schoolwork done. Restively slouched in their chairs, the children usually copy each other’s answers and rush off to play or watch TV. The pecking order is fixed, and everybody knows their place. The sense of personal safety, so desperately needed by children, is impossible. They quickly learn to manipulate the system and other kids as a means of survival.

Seeing all of this, Jim began seeking ways to personally help those children in their plight. Two years ago he was granted permission to live at a Dom Dziecka three days a week for an entire school year. Unfortunately, he quickly realized that much of the problem was actually embedded within the culture of the Dom Dziecka environment. If permanent fundamental changes were to be worked in these children’s lives, it would be imperative to get these children out of these surroundings and into stable family homes. It was then that Jim, Lukasz, and Asia’s hearts began to dream of creating a different kind of full-time care: a haven where children could grow up in the love and safety of a “forever family.”

As the three visionaries launched on a series of required government trainings, Jim’s dream of foster parenthood began taking on the face of a young Dom Dziecka teenager named Daniel. Jim has been working with Daniel for over two years now, and for much of that time Daniel has actually lived in Jim’s home. Last spring, Daniel’s younger half-brother, Mirek, also became part of the picture. The range and degree of dysfunctional issues which Daniel and Mirek brought with them have been daunting. Jim’s limited Polish language proficiency has significantly compounded the task, especially when considering the age-related factors of two boys at the height of their teenage struggles and confusion. Complicating the issue still further have been financial concerns. Neither the government nor the Dom Dziecka contributed to the costs of caring for the boys whenever they stay with Jim. But in spite of everything, Jim is determined not to give up on Daniel and Mirek. In fact, he now feels led to pursue full adoption of both boys.

At the moment, though, Jim has many adoption obstacles to overcome. Because he is a single foreign male, Polish adoption policies currently view Jim as an unacceptable adoptive parent. (It was only through the ardent prayers of ITMI’s partnership and beyond that Jim was even allowed to host the two boys for the summer holidays). Polish adoption culture also states that once the official adoption process begins, the potentially adopted children may no longer visit the prospective adoptive parent’s home. Because of that, Daniel and Mirek both had to return to the institutionalized foster care system when school started this fall. The two boys are currently living in separate facilities about three hours away from each other. Having lived in Jim’s home for more than a year, the transition back to the Dom Dziecka has been especially difficult for Daniel.

In the face of this mounting counterevidence, there is still reason to hope. Five children from this Dom Dziecka were recently adopted by two different Christian families. All five adoptions were a direct result of Jim’s regular contact with the Dom Dziecka. It is now Jim’s fervent prayer that Daniel and Mirek be added to this list of successful adoptions.

The stakes are high in this prayer battle. It is about making a lasting impact on lives mired in the social darkness that Christ came to expose and defeat. Please, join Jim in praying for the two boys, as the three of them try to stay in contact, and as Daniel and Mirek observe what genuine Christian life is all about. Pray for wisdom for Jim as he attempts to proceed through an extremely challenging adoption process. Encourage him as he struggles with the Polish language, desiring to convey the gospel of truth to the boys not only through his behavior, but also through the power of God’s written and spoken Word.

And most importantly, please pray that these boys, and all Dom Dziecka children, will finally find their way to the One who will stake an eternal claim on them in a divine adoption process called salvation. “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:27-28

co-written by Jim LaRose II and Carolyn Zaremba